The Brew Yorker’s Summer Season…

Posted in Uncategorized on August 26, 2009 by thebrewyorker

…is over!

Terrified

But don’t worry! We’ll be back soon!

The Brew Yorker has posted a bunch of videos, word pieces, and what-have-you since we launched in April, but now it’s time for us to take a short break to recoup, shoot some more material, and digest from the massive amount of work we’ve put in.

Don’t worry! We’ll be back in Octorber with more videos! We’re even going to be having another fundraiser as the first went so well! Keep your ears to the ground in the coming weeks!

As for right now, we’ll continue posting word pieces and word reviews, along with Twitter posts, so stay tuned!

Songs Of Praise

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on August 21, 2009 by thebrewyorker

Throughout history people have been singing songs praising the magnificence of alcohol. It is evident in all walks of life and every social stratum. For some, singing songs wasn’t enough, so they wrote them…or stole them. This practice spawned the most beautiful music and lyrics ever heard. Or so it seems when you’re on a binge.

The earliest song of praise I could find dates back to the year 1210. The melody was taken from a nativity song, “Or Hi Parra”, and the lyrics, originally praising the baby Jesus, were changed to glorify the wonders of beer:

Let it be seen – The ale will sing to us
Alleluia!
Whoever drinks some – May he be as he should
Thing of wonder!

It doesn’t sound like much, but it got a lot of play on the jukebox.
This was the start of a new trend in songs of praise. People figured the baby Jesus had been praised enough and that alcohol should be the focus for the rest of the millennium.

Skipping ahead six hundred years, you could hear sailors singing drinking songs across the ocean blue. One of the most popular was Yo Ho Ho (and a bottle of rum):

Fifteen men on a dead man’s chest – Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!

It’s a pretty jolly song for a bunch of guys who loved to rape and murder.

Not too many people know that “The Star Spangled Banner” was taken from an old English drinking song. The original lyrics went like this:

Oh, say over here – can you pass me a beer Hey check out that girl – Oh, sorry that’s your wife

Come to think of it, maybe we should have kept the original.

Then of course there’s “99 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall.” Most people sing this during long car rides. It’s also used as a form of torture in POW camps. Legend has that this song was based on a true story.

Other songs of praise are:

Red, Red Wine – praises wine. Tiny Bubbles – praises champagne. Tequila – praises tequila. The latter being the most direct about its subject matter, because the only lyric in the song is “tequila.” I wrote a similar song called “Whiskey.” Actually it wasn’t so much a song as it was me shouting “whiskey” at a bartender.

One of the most recent drinking songs is “Blame It”. Blame it on the alcohol, that is. From what I can decipher from the lyrics, if the guy drinks enough, the girl looks better to him. If the girl drinks enough, he looks better to her. If they both drink enough, they get laid. Not a bad formula.

So go out and get a bottle of wine, or champagne, or tequila, or beer, and sing a song in praise of alcohol. Or better yet, write one. After all, we could still use a song about moonshine.

- Will

Lesser Dangers: Episode 2

Posted in Fun... with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 21, 2009 by thebrewyorker

You have been warned. Repeatedly. Yet still you commit errors whilst heavily drinking. We’ll tell you one more time, but this is it: beware!

Youtube link here.

Answer Fail

Posted in Uncategorized on August 19, 2009 by thebrewyorker

Things You Can Throw

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on August 19, 2009 by thebrewyorker

This past week, the Philadelphia Phillies, led by Pedro Martinez, destroyed the Cubs in a 12-5 game. One cubs fan was so upset that in the fifth inning, he threw his beer at outfielder, Shane Victoriano. Baseball fans are not the only people out there who should be annoyed at the offending Cubs fan, Johnny Macchione. I think I echo the sentiment of every moral person out there when I ask how the hell a man could waste beer like that during the recession?

THINGS TO THROW AT THE FIELD BEFORE YOUR BEER

1) Your Keys – Since you’re already committed to being a douche, you might as well be a confident douche. Throwing your keys sends a powerful message. It says that you are unafraid to be recognized for your actions. It says, “I am willing to cause true damage to a player.” It says, “You want a ride home, sexy?” And most of all, it says, “Hey, can I get those back?”

2) A ball – The ultimate in the stealthy move, bringing a ball of your own to the field will never be noticed, until there’s two balls in center field. Imagine the Benny Hill antics that will emerge when in your drunken rage, you bean a surprised outfielder from the stands. Think about how much fun it’ll be when he gets up woozily and can’t remember which is the ball he’s supposed to be playing with! And hey, if anyone ever gets upset with you for it, just tell them you thought this was just part of the game. Anyone around will be able to back you up on the idea that you’re a moron.

3) Children – Kids getting you down? We all know how it is, by the seventh inning, they’re yawning, they’re complaining they want something to eat and you’re too busy to buy them a seven-dollar pretzel. Why not give them the experience that every child dreams of and drop them on top of a major league ball player? Little Timmy/Sally will have such a blast when the realization hits that he/she is actually on the field where the game is happening! And what’s the player going to do? Throw them back? Oh no! That kid is going to the dugout to meet the team! That kid is going to be on the news! And hey, if the kid actually gets hurt, at least it’s your genetic line that you’re disabling, and I think we can all agree that’s a good thing.

4) Fucking Nothing – And then again, here’s an idea. Instead of your beer, why don’t you just sit the fuck down and not be a nuisance? And who is the team that all this is surrounding? Once again, it’s the mother-fucking Cubs. You know, I think folks cut Cubs fans a bit too much slack. Every year, they’re doing something retarded. I know your team hasn’t won in over 100 years, but if you can’t watch the game without getting into a retarded fury and throwing shit at the players or having an exorcism at the stadium or repeatedly littering the field with detritus over collective annoyance, it’s time to take up knitting.

- Jake

George and Gracie

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 17, 2009 by thebrewyorker

We’ve all been put into difficult situations by our friends. Let the Brew Yorker help you out in such a place!

YouTube link here.

Beer For Peace

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on August 15, 2009 by thebrewyorker

I don’t mean to get sentimental on you people. And I don’t mean anything racial by saying “you people.” But folks, sometimes we have to set aside our differences and look at things in a broader perspective. People, I encourage you to drink a beer for peace.

Yes, drink a beer for peace. If history has proven anything (and by my count, it hasn’t) alcohol is a peacemaker. Drink a beer for peace. The world is at war, our economy is crumbling and Michael Jackson is still dead. Drink a beer for peace. Let’s take a bigger look at this. Forget about the war we have here. What about the cosmic war between good and evil; the battle between Heaven and Hell? What if God and Satan put aside their quarreling for one hour, sat on an oak porch and drank a beer? They’d be laughing and hugging at the end of that hour, I assure you.

Drink a beer for peace. I’m being serious. What if we had a beer with Stalin? Or Malenkov? Or just the Russians in general? We wouldn’t have had a cold war. We would have had a tall, frosty war with foam dripping on the side.

Come on, people. Drink a beer for peace. Peace can’t drink for itself because it is not a living organism. That means you have to do it. But if you decide not to drink for peace, then can you drive me to the bar? I need a designated driver tonight.

- Will

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