Great People In Beer History: FDR

To most Franklin Delano Roosevelt is known as the president who got us out of the Great Depression (or as I call it, the “So-So Depression”). But to devoted drinkers he is the president that repealed Prohibition. Yes, in 1932 when Roosevelt ran for the presidency he promised thirsty Americans that he would repeal Prohibition for good. This took a certain amount of bravery considering only a measly forty-six states were in favor of tasting the sweet nectar of alcohol once more. By December 5, 1933 the Twenty-first Amendment was formed thus making Prohibition a horrific idea of the past. Now the idea is only used to scare children at camp-outs.

FDR was born January 30, 1882 in (you guessed it) New York. He came from a wealthy family. He learned the finer things in life such as tennis, horseback riding and how to drink scotch like a man. He then went to Columbia Law School and dropped out after two years. We can only assume it was because he really knew how to party. Then he married his wife, Eleanor. Eleanor was a quiet woman, but she could hold her liquor. Rumor has it the two met during a beer chugging contest. When Franklin saw the foam dripping from her delicate mouth, he knew he had to have her.

But it wasn’t all horse riding and beer chugging for Franklin. In 1921 he suffered from polio and became paralyzed from the waist down. Luckily he managed to impregnate Eleanor six times beforehand. But being confined to a wheelchair didn’t stop Delanorama from his greatest achievement: Becoming the best president since Herbert Hoover.

Roosevelt had two goals in mind as president: fix the friggin’ economy and get a glass of whiskey back in his hand. The two ideas went hand in hand. FDR had the insight to realize that the Depression was a bummer and people were a lot happier when they were loaded. What better way to soothe the sting of America’s breakdown than alcohol? It would be a long road to financial recovery, but now they were going to have some flavored schnapps to help them along the way. Now that’s what I call a New Deal.

Everyone knows alcohol boosts moral. You never had the guts to ask that girl in the library out on a date because you feared that she would reject you. But with the help of alcohol not only are you banned from the library, you’re also banned from being within fifty feet of her. Booze helps us face the realities and the fears of life. It helped us through the dark days of the Depression. It helped us fight the Nazi menace. It helped us to find the humor in Mickey Rooney movies. And by the time one of America’s darkest periods was over, America was too drunk to thank the man with the plan.

So, the next time you place that funnel in your mouth or shotgun that beer, remember the man who gave you the freedom to do that: Franklin Delano Roosevelt. FDR, we salute you! For your courage. For your intelligence. And for your ability to drink Winston Churchill under the table.

– Will

Advertisements

One Response to “Great People In Beer History: FDR”

  1. My cap is off to honor your testimonail to the savior of brew! Wisconsin was considering ceceding from the union during those dark days of prohibition. Every farmer had his own still made by the village blacksmit, but it was only corn liquor. A day without beer in wisconsin, is impossible! Some hoboes from Wisconsin visit the big city once in a while. I love to see the greatest city in the world and enjoy a brew! If you want to know who is the big cheese in the USA, you have to come to Green Bay! Hate to bring up politics, but how can the President have “one beer” at his beer summit? Come ON!? One beer?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: