Call For Drunk Women

As both a beer writer and a feminist, I believe that it’s my duty to call out whenever equality is threatened in the world of alcohol. I want us to do an experiment, right now. I’m going to say a word, and you’re going to create a picture in your head of what that word means to you. Are you ready?


What do you get from seeing that word? I’ll tell you what you don’t see. A woman. And why? Because every single time a drunk is portrayed on television, it’s always a man. We never see a hilarious woman climbing out of the trashcan where she slept last night after polishing off a fifth of rum. We never see the woman at the party, vomiting on everyone in sight. Why don’t these roles ever come up? Because of an ugly little word called “prejudice.”

It’s because men are afraid of a drunk woman. And don’t you start thinking about your sexist little jokes about women drivers. That’s not what we’re looking for here. I’m here to tell you, I think a drunk woman can be just as self-destructive and idiotic as a drunk man. Maybe more. But no, men won’t allow you to see that, will they? All the choice drunk roles always go to people who can grow facial hair, excluding bearded ladies.

It’s wrong, ladies and gentleman, but I don’t hear any outcry. No, I just hear about how women in the workplace get sexually harassed and not paid as well, the smoke screen that “the man” puts out there to keep us from focusing on the real discrimination. There are plenty of brave sisters out there, getting drunk and making a mess out of themselves, and they’re not allowed on your television. It’s wrong.

Women have made a lot of great strides over the past century. We now see women fulfilling roles outsides of nurses, teachers, and mothers. We see woman engineers and scientists, doctors and business people. And that’s great. It’s great to see them out there. But where are the dirty women? Where are the hedonistic, moronic drunks? Where’s the woman who wakes up in a pile of vomit, stinking of cheap hooch and not knowing where she is? Where’s the woman concocting recipes of raw eggs to get rid of a hangover that could last her an entire day? Where? You know where? In my heart.

Sometimes, I feel like I’m the only one out there fighting the good fight. It makes me sad to know that I’m the only one who sees this issue for what it is. It’s about respect, people. It’s about letting the drunk woman stretch out her legs and be the crazy self-destructive asshole that she wants to be. Ladies? How can we make this fight grow? Who is our celebrity? The drunk is a largely desexualized role, so I think that the Britney’s and Ashley’s are out of any consideration. Who will stand up for the drunkette?

– Jake


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