Beer Quiz

1. Which of the following is a key ingredient in beer:
A) Barley
B) Sweetener
C) Hops
D) Love

Answer: D. Barley is a good addition to beer, but not necessary. Sweetener is close but sugar would be more accurate. Hops are an ingredient, but I wouldn’t so far as to say it’s a key ingredient. The correct answer is love. Yes, in order to have a beer taste its best it must be brewed and prepared with love. Buy the love at your local supermarket. If you can only afford cheap love than get it if you must, but the best love is the most expensive kind. Sprinkle the love lightly into your brew and stir. Make sure there are people around you as you add the love to avoid skepticism. As the love blends with your brew it will make merry. But too much love will create a taste that is too demanding and thus scare the consumer.

2. Who invented beer?
A) No one knows
B) No one cares
C) No one
D) Stephen Hawking

Answer: D. World-renowned genius and all-around bore Stephen Hawking invented time travel in 1961 while studying astronomy at Oxford University. Hawking discovered that by saying the year that you desire to travel to aloud three times it would open a hole in the space-time continuum. You also must be milking a cow while wearing a fedora. Once the hole opened up, Hawking leapt inside and crawled through centuries past. He decided the first place he would like to go to Mesopotamia. It was there where he became a chef. Using four of the ten available edible items at the time (one being water) he created a rough version of what we now know as beer. He then traveled back to the 20th century, determined to write books that no one understands.

3. Which of the following myths about beer is not true?
A) It improves your self-esteem
B) It kills brain cells
C) It makes the pain go away
D) It makes you a better driver

Answer: B. To say that beer kills brain cells is inaccurate. Beer is trying to do its job by helping you have fun. Brain cells get in the way of that. So, in a way, it’s self-defense. And no God-fearing jury would convict someone for killing in self-defense. Remember, brain cells are the enemy. They’re only good for reminding you where your keys are and to keep your heart beating.

4. Being an alcoholic can prevent you from getting which job?
A) Postal worker
B) Doctor
C) President
D) Sheriff Of Mars (Cowboy astronaut)

Answer: D. The postal service is very open-minded. Hospitals just want people who have sturdy hands. Former President W. was an inspiration to all alcoholics. But it’s being sheriff of a planet full of renegade Martians that needs your complete attention. Mars wasn’t always the tourist-friendly place that it is today. It used to be full of vigilantes and rustlers that had no concept of law and order. Now with a sheriff at every Mars colony, you can be sure that if anyone turns up dead, a space posse will be rounded up and the murderer will be prosecuted. One small step for cowboy astronauts, one giant leap for Mars colonization.

5. What is beer?
A) A beverage
B) A slice of life
C) A solution
D) All of the above

Answer: D. A more appropriate question is, “What isn’t beer?” Beer isn’t just a drink. It’s been here since the founding of this country. From the signing of the Declaration of Independence to Lollapalooza, it’s been by our side like a loyal dog. A dog that tastes best when served cold.

How did you do?
5 = Good. Not Great.
4 = Great. Not Good. Not great either.
3 = What are you, a commie?
2 = Now you’re just embarrassing yourself.
1 = Good.

– Will


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