The Presidential Beer Party, and What It Means for America

We all know about the incident with Henry “Skip” Gates, Sgt. James Crowley, and our man, Barack Obama.   Some yelling happened, some arresting of a respected Harvard professor in his own house was involved, a president trying to change our healthcare system for the better was asked a bullshit question when he wasn’t quite ready for it – the whole thing’s been a bit of a kerfuffle.  But tonight, they will settle it with beer.  The question’s been on everyone’s mind.  What beer?  Will they go local?  Will they be good choices?  Well, the tally’s in and it’s… no… no… yes.

I got an e-mail this morning from my buddy Patrick, and together, we broke down what this all means, and what should have happened.

Obama: Choice – Bud Light

Pat: After many years of drinking Budweiser as a price-point/identity thing (cheap, straightforward, no would-be hipness to it), I’ve come to find it a bit oppressive. I drink it, but sort of revolt when someone takes a six-pack of Bud tallboys out of the bag. (For what it’s worth, I’ve switched to regular Coors (not light), ever since I discovered the 99-cent 24 oz. can. Bud Lite, of course, is ridiculous. I drink it too, from time to time, but to choose it as a totem … Obama is either a female collegiate soccer player or a boring, wimpy yuppy.

Jake: Bud Light?  For Barack Obama?  This is just wrong.  This is meant to be the president of change!  The president who will bring us away from this time of Corporate Oligarchies and into an enlightened age of small business owners! Damn you, Barack Obama!

What should Obama Drink?

Jake: Small business America
Pat: Presidente

Crowley: Choice – Blue Moon

Pat: Never really got on board with Blue Moon, the taste is a little fruity for me, my take is that it had some cachet for a time as a fancy beer for regular prices—it sort of allows you the sensibility of drinking Chimay, etc., without having to shell out. But I really don’t see so much Blue Moon any more. That a cop would choose it is sort of funny—”Blue Moon” sounds like the name of the gay bar Harris and Proctor would happen into in a Police Academy movie. Maybe a sort of cynical PR move—”I’ll show ’em how refined I am,” only its not really that refined. On the other hand, maybe he really likes the stuff, which is at least possible, as opposed to Barry and his Bud Lite.

Jake: Blue Moon is not a bad beer, but it’s actually owned by Coors.  Once again, the president is shelling out bucks to the man.  Mother-fuckers.  Going out supporting all those corporations.  I never believed that 9-11 was a conspiracy until this moment!  It’s all been made clear to me now!  I understand!  I get it!  “Loose Change” is obviously a work of staggering genius! Someone get those boys a medal!  Also, I’ll bet you he takes his beer with fruit. Pussy Cambridge cops…

What should Crowley drink?

Pat: Samuel Adams
Jake: Negra Modela – but only so that this scene may happen:

Panel 1Panel 2Panel 3panel 4Panel 5Panel 6

Gates: Choice – Red Stripe

Pat: Last I heard, Gates hadn’t chosen between Red Stripe or Becks. I used to like to drink Red Stripe—if nothing else, the bottles are fun—I don’t take it that seriously now, but it might just be the way my tastes run. Becks on the other hand—finally!—a real beer!—I like it even when it’s really stanky!

Jake: Is it wrong that I want to see this?

Hooray Beer!

Pat: Yes.

Jake: Then can I have a beer with the president?

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One Response to “The Presidential Beer Party, and What It Means for America”

  1. Obama probably thought he was being patriotic by ordering a Bud Light. With all the stuff that crossed his desk during the campaign … how could he have known they’ve since become a BELGIAN owned brewery?

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