Being Bold

The different writers for the Brew Yorker write their blogs in fairly different ways. Will takes all the things he’s pissed off about at the moment, sticks them in a big hat and pulls one out, peas on it, burns it, and then has someone else read it to him; David takes various memories, rips them out of his skull, crushes them up and snorts them with a cocaine chaser; Steele finds obscure pages from history books from countries where he doesn’t actually speak the language and convinces himself that he’s figured out the story; and I read the news.

The problem I’m now encountering is that, although I realized that a week and a half devoted to Barack Obama having a beer with a Harvard professor and the cop who arrested said professor in his own house was quite enough coverage, I seem to be the Cassandra (mythical Trojan cursed with prophetic dreams that would never be believed by anyone – from now on, we will consider The Illiad to be on your reading list) of that point.

So this week, here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to find an article about the president’s beer summit and pretend that it’s about something else.

Okay… let’s see… from OregonLive.com – “Beer summit: Taking bolder steps in debate on race in US”.

ALASKA – The heated debate on the great Bud/Coors “Race to the Summit” at Mount McKinley gained steam this week as members of MADD began protesting on the foot of the mountain. The climb has been controversial, ever since Peter Coors and Dave Peacock began arguing over whether Coors or Budweiser would be better fuel to a hiker trying to climb the highest mountain in North America. The two expeditions were quickly funded, and although the greater climbing community was disconcerted by the size of each expedition, Coors and Peacock pointed out how many beers the leader of each expedition would have to be consuming daily, and explained that the options were either to hire 15 extra members of each expedition who’s only job was to carry beer, or to blow up part of the mountain and build a bar.

The MADD protest began yesterday morning when MADD president Laura Dean-Mooney pointed out that with these men consuming 20 beers a day each, if either of them found a car on top of that mountain, it would be dangerous. Said Ms. Dean-Mooney, “So what that there aren’t many humans on Mount McKinley, there could still be cars, we don’t know what happens up there. There could be moose cars, bear cars, and if there’s cars, there’s driving, and if these men are around driving, than it is drunk driving! We must stop this awful drinking up the mountain race!”

Spokesmen for Molson-Coors and Anheuser-Busch both insisted that the men would not be driving while on the mountain. They also requested that we avoid looking at the helicopters carrying H2s circling the peak.

– Jake

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